The Reverend Putz(only part of her name)

So today was a very hectic day at work. Not only was it inventory day, but we had a surprise visit from our loss prevention department. Ugggghhhhh I despise days like today. I don't know why. I actually work better under pressure and when I have a million things to do. Anyway, I work at a grocery store that among other things has a Western Union station. For those of you who don't know what Western Union is, its a way for people to send and receive money all over the world in a matter of minutes.

About twice a week an elderly woman who I will refer to as Rev. Putz, comes into my store to send money to her son. This woman is in her early to late 60's and is about 5'2 inches tall. She has a short bowl cut and her hair looks like she uses red kool-aid to dye it. She also has no teeth. She always carries around a large dirty, old, shopping bag, which would lead one to believe she is homeless. She is not homeless. She signs her name Reverend J. Putz (not her whole name but part of it and I wish I were kidding about that) She also doesn't speak very well and I normally just smile and nod. Today was different. Here is our conversation as I can remember it.

Me: "welcome ma'am"
Rev. "Can I tell you something? It is too cold in here and people with diseases are going to get sicker."
Me: "We have already notified someone and they are supposed to come and fix our ac very soon. I am sorry its too cold for you."
Rev.: "I am mad about it but I cant get too mad. I learned not to get too mad. I am going to tell you a story now."
Me: (smiling and preparing)
Rev.: "last week I was about to get off the bus and I was not standing very well. Some woman got up to help me and she stole my sweater right off my back. I didn't notice until the bus left."
Me: "that's too bad"
Rev.: "When I got home I was so angry and I called the bus department to complain. They just let that women steal my sweater. I hung up the phone and went outside an there on my front porch was a squirrel. It was such a happy squirrel and it was clapping its hands."
Me: (scared, didn't even want to know what was next.)
Rev.: "That squirrel was the lord. The lord was speaking to me and telling me that I was put here to spread his word and not be mad at the world. So I am not mad at the bus department anymore. I know that squirrel was the lord I just know it"
Me: (shaking my head) "Public transportation, gotta love it."
Rev.: "I want to send money to my son. which form do I use? these look funny and they ask me what country."
Me: "yes ma'am we have new forms that make it easier for the customer. you only write which city and state you don't have to write U.S. if you don't want to."
Rev.: "why is everything foreign? I don't like foreigners. If this country keeps getting over run with foreigners I am leaving. My son better stop asking me for money. The next time he calls I am going to tell him he better not be asking for money. I don't have money. When I get money I am moving to Russia."
Me: "Russia seems pretty foreign to me."
Rev: "its the least foreign of all the foreign places."
Me: "it's $55.00 to send $50.00"
Rev.: "It really is too cold in here."
Me: "OK thank you have a nice day."

 This is what I put up with on a daily basis.............More to come I am sure